The Safest Place |
my bed is the safest place in my apartment
because no one is there but me
no one sees my candles my meditations
no one disturbs my dreams
the pop stars that become my concubines
there is no one who pushes my earrings aside
to make room for a watch, a heavy ring
i don't have to get up earlier than i want to
don't have to listen to the stories
the supervisor who will not recognize your brilliance
the father who won't say i love you
the mother who wants to like me, but loves you better
there is no awkward sex to tune
no boxers you leave behind that i wash pretending
that what we have is more than an audition
there is no favorite place you touch
no mysterious childhood you leave out of conversations
there is no first fight
no tears
there is no one i confess to
no one to share my sad story
the one that makes you angry at all men, at himself
there is no story i wipe from your cheek
no rocking embrace through hard times
because my bed is the safest place in my apartment
because no one is there but me
can i tell you how ready i am for a distraction?
someone who holds me when i shake, remembering
instead of a glass of wine
someone who is convinced of my beauty
someone who can convince me
you will read the story on my deepest scar
and not be afraid
you will hold me during my deepest sleep
your touch, my last
because you know that it frightens me to cross over
even with the angels
it will be your large hands
that cup the soft brown of our children
and you will coo and story them to their own safest place
every night, without fail
your lap will hold me generously
and i will warm it
when weary, when loving
of course mama loves him
and brother thinks there is no one higher
but most importantly
when we give to each other
our hearts to keep
it will be the safest place
the temple i have been building for 38 year
the quilt you've been stitching
for your lifetime too
and our babies
the soft candlelight that warms all the colors
of our love together
and come,
you are invited, finally
to the safest place i know
to a love that doesn't smooth away
like sandcastles
to a love that won't slip away
like folds of the moon
but will season instead
grow dense, strong and large
like rings of sequoia
reaching, fearlessly reaching
until all we are
is sunlight and shelter
copyright 2004
Imani
Tolliver |