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My Life |
My name is Erik Haber and I was born in the past. I come from a lower-upper middle class family struggling to be average. As a young child all I ever wanted out of life was a toy dump truck, that was all... I never got it. Sure, my father tried to console me by bringing home real dump trucks, but I couldn't be fooled. I can fondly remember saying to him, "Dad, those are not toys!"
In school I had great difficulty because as a kid I suffered from numerous philosophical ailments. I remember one day in class, raising my hand and saying, "I don't get it," and the teacher asking, "What part?", to which I replied, "Just in general." Soon after that the "system" labeled me "existentially challenged" and I had to take special classes to be convinced that I really existed...it didn't work. As you may imagine, all this led to a sort of estrangement from my peers, as no one wanted to hang around with a boy who finger-painted quotes of Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus. In order to deal with the ensuing loneliness I created an imaginary friend, George, in whom I could confide, but eventually it turned out that I was George's imaginary friend. Needless to say, when I finished high school I was supremely confused.
My father worked for a construction company, where he received a great benefit package and, of course, access to plenty of free dump trucks. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps but I rebelled- I went to work for a destruction company, where I had access to plenty of free explosives and subsequently felt sufficiently empowered to ask him kindly not to try to run my life. These were relatively good times for me, as destroying stuff sort of gave me a sense of purpose and belonging. But because I had a deep desire to exercise my restless intellect, and because there were still many drugs I hadn't yet tried, I decided to go to college.
Initially in college I was a physics major, and I liked that because I was interested in questions like "Just what is the magnetic field around a closed circuit?" and "Just how much THC per unit volume is there in a cloud of marijuana smoke?" My enthusiasm in this field soon led me to a high-profile internship with NASA developing the world's first anti-gravity bong. But despite this being a cause I could really get behind, I quickly became stifled by the 9-to-5 grind. In addition, being a physics major who loved to smoke pot, I soon realized that I couldn't efficiently do both, so I would just have to quit... the physics. And it was then that I had a profound realization: I didn't
ever want to have a job again.
So, based on this revelation, I changed my major to English Lit. After barely graduating, I took up yoga and meditation, and began pondering questions like "What is God?" and "What is Love?", and "How can I ever answer either one when all I'm concerned with is my stinkin' navel?" And that brings me to the present, where my destiny is starting to become clear: Perhaps all hope for a life bound by practicality and tradition are dashed, that I'll forever be a wanderer and a ponderer, and that I'll always wonder just what it is that will ultimately bring about love and order in the world. And so now, here I am before you, doing this...
copyright 2004
Erik
Haber |
