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Focus |
I locked myself in a place…a prison of my own creation.
In a place where I felt like I’d never again need to find another to love.
Where I couldn’t find a better lover, significant other, best friend.
Now certain things have come to an end or we must suspend…at least momentarily.
All that’s been changing between us…has been kinda hard for me.
I never wanted to lose you…now you feel lost to me.
I now must step forward in life, away from everyone and everything else.
It’s time for me to focus.
I must focus on myself.
Problem solving…by evolving.
Evolving…through change.
Changing myself for the better.
It feels better now that I’m putting myself back together.
Trying not to care bout whether or not I’m noticed.
I must focus…I know this.
These days…I feel alone.
Lately I’ve been needing someone to hold.
To hold me.
Surrounded by friends constantly.
None of them have what I need.
What I need is some love and affection.
I wanna get romantic with a woman and go dancing.
Move to the music…embrace the rhythm, don’t lose it.
Sweep her off her feet…
Expose parts of my personality…illuminating – what makes me special, unique.
What I lost…I was reunited through music.
Playing, what in words…I know not how to be saying – beyond explaining or conveying.
So…music, I play.
I am an instrument…an extension of creativity.
I play jazz…it helps me to relax.
I play jazz on my saxophone.
I play with, “sub-tone…” sounds kinda scratchy, like an old record.
Like Stan Getz gets in “Misty.”
Kinda…but not exactly.
I gotta retain my originality.
I love jazz…I love the blues…I love music.
I think the blues are infused in my bloodstream.
Playing those “slow jam” kind of blues…comes to me naturally.
Like breathing…my heart beating.
Listen…can you hear my heart talking, my soul singing?
Do you know?
Do you know what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling?
These things, I’m not revealing.
I locked myself up in a place, in a prison of my creation.
I got carried away, led astray by my imagination.
I put myself in a place where I believed I had all the love I’d need until my life came
to an end.
So…now my life isn’t over…but it seemed close to me.
So I said, “Snap out of it! Get a grip on reality!”
I’m still alive…my heart is on the mend.
Maybe one day…I’ll try again.
Not today…or tomorrow, but maybe…maybe someday.
Maybe someday…we’ll see the possibilities, since there are so many.
A moment of tranquility in the midst of chaos…an epiphany!
Now…now is the tie.
It’s time to focus.
Now that I’ve realized it, I know this.
I looked, I saw…I noticed.
It’s time…Time to focus.
copyright 2004
Aurelius
Demarco |
