This is a single, employed, 37 y.o. Mexican American male admitted to Humanity Hospital on 10/2/68. Pt has dark hair, eyes and light complexion. He is appropriately dressed and groomed. Pt reportedly born to a fractured, chaotic household, but counters: "Although my home has been broken, it was the best home I ever had." Historical data indicates previous affiliation with criminal/violent subcultures, but denies current involvement and has no apparent charges/holds. Pt presents as OX3, and MSE was unremarkable, but he did deny knowing current U.S. President's name. Fund of knowledge appropriate, but was apt to quote movies and songs during intake interview. Affect is generally flat and mood dysphoric. Chief complaint: depressive sx and insomnia but will not elaborate, stating only: "I've always been this way. This is how it's supposed to be." Was able to contract for safety. Currently refusing medication and is resistive to treatment. Pt admitted with an AWOL precaution. Denies DTO/DTS plans/intentions.
On the Couch Eating Pistachios, This Tends to Happen
He didn’t have a lot left at the end of the day
he sat in front of the monolith giant big screen
black hole ennui vacuum sucking up pistachios
frozen yogurt and Grape Nuts feeling content,
somewhat chiseled but just as unwanted and horrified
as he ever had. The talking heads were depressing
and the bombs fell under darker skies.
He bemoaned all the women in those countries
that would never get him. He drove the metal beast
with a cell phone clipped to his disappearing ear
mouthing the words to other people’s lives
imitating intimacy with her still at the back of his mind.
He’d mimic clarity, feign the occasional attraction
but somehow she’d remain, erased only by empty lusting
and phosphorent miasma
across a matted sheaf of wounded windows.
He’d eke out some soul, scratch poems on them
and silently pray for the blind to read them aloud
while the ignorant feasted, regaled and sang
unto the great blackened, slowly waning hope
he’d long ago sold
to his demons.
Matthew A. Barraza